Spam Folder Sadness II
Spam Folder Sadness II lyrics
A song about the daily spam siege in your inbox
Lyrics
Morning inbox, same old ache
Two hundred pitches by the break
"Dear friend," "Dear sir," "quick win," "kindly"
Oddly named agencies write me nightly
One says, "We saw your domain"
One says, "Page one, feel the gain"
One says, "The Best Guest Posting"
I laugh, then hit delete and keep moving
They know my first name
They miss the whole game
So polite, so fake
It’s a copy-paste parade
Spam folder sad
Spam folder sad
All my dreams go in there
Spam folder sad
Page one, page one
You say it like a prayer
But your weird little name
Belongs right over there
"Link juice" from a site with three words
"No upfront, just results," how absurd
A "SEO ninja" in a borrowed suit
Promises rankings with a magic reboot
"Guest post" on a blog with no pulse
"High authority" and a broken schmaltz
Every pitch is a shiny disguise
Same dead promise in a fresh disguise
They know my niche
They know my greed
Still they ask me
To plant a seed
Spam folder sad
Spam folder sad
All my dreams go in there
Spam folder sad
Page one, page one
You say it like a prayer
But your weird little name
Belongs right over there
And I almost pity them
At 7:14
One more "exclusive" offer
From a brand-new machine
They chase my clicks
I chase the truth
We both get lost
In the same old loop
Spam folder sad
Spam folder sad
All my dreams go in there
Spam folder sad
Page one, page one
You say it like a prayer
But your weird little name
Belongs right over there
Spam folder sad
Spam folder sad
I’m not your “dear partner”
Spam folder sad
Behind the Lyrics
My mornings start the same way: inbox open before coffee, checking what broke overnight. Which client wrote at 2am, which campaign tanked while I slept. And in the middle of that scan, every single day, there they are. The pitches. Part one of this series gave them death metal growls. Part two exists because the topic had another side I couldn't shake, and that side is me. I run an agency. I've sent versions of these emails. Hopefully with more research and fewer "Dear Sir"s, but the mechanism is identical: cold outreach, a hope for a reply, a small prayer that the pitch lands before the delete key does. So when I sit down to be furious at the umpteenth "quick win" of the week, I can't fully commit anymore. I know why they're doing it. I've done it. That's the conflict this song lives in. Not pity for them. Pity for all of us on both ends of the same machine. Hence medieval metal. Not gentle, but not a blast furnace either. It has room for a knight who's tired of the siege and still walks up to the wall every morning.
LSLachezar, writing songs so you don't have to cry alone
Production credits
- Text
- Lachezar Simeonov
- Audio
- Lachezar Simeonov, AI-assisted production
- Voices
- AI personas built for Clicks & Swagger, some inspired by Lachezar's real voice
- Art
- Lachezar Simeonov, AI-assisted production
Frequently Asked Questions
Up next
A song about the client who calls you bestie and still won’t pay
Get the new song every week
One new track every week. Confirm your email and you're on the list.
We respect your privacy. Your email is safe with us.
Continue exploring
Keep exploring or help choose the next marketing pain anthem.