Spam Folder Sadness
Spam Folder Sadness lyrics
A song about cold pitches flooding your spam folder
Lyrics
My inbox wakes up mean
With a name I’ve never seen
“SEO genius” in a suit
Pitching me a miracle route
They say, “We loved your site”
Then ask for a link by night
“Best guest posting” on repeat
Like they found my junk-mail seat
I scroll past twenty-five
“Quick question” pleas alive
The same old borrowed shine
Wrapped in a brand-new line
Not another guest post
Not another guest post
Page one, please
I laugh, then hit delete
Not another guest post
Not another guest post
Best link ever
Straight to the spam folder
On social, they slide in soft
“Hope this finds you well” at dawn
Then the weirdest profile pic
Promises a traffic trick
A “shady agency” says
They can fix my search headaches
With a dashboard, keys, and charts
And a funnel full of hearts
They call me “dear partner”
Like we’ve met in a diner
But the minute I reply
They vanish into smoke and lie
Not another guest post
Not another guest post
Page one, please
I laugh, then hit delete
Not another guest post
Not another guest post
Best link ever
Straight to the spam folder
There’s a kingdom in that bin
Where the cold pitches go to thin
“Mr. Growth” and “Madam Rank”
All those names I can’t thank
Still I open every day
Like maybe one will send me pay
But it’s just another clone
Selling trust they never own
Not another guest post
Not another guest post
Page one, please
I laugh, then hit delete
Not another guest post
Not another guest post
Best link ever
Straight to the spam folder
Save it for the folder
Save it for the bin
If you want my attention
Don’t begin with “dear friend”
Behind the Lyrics
A fellow marketer pitched me almost the right song. Their idea was about our own emails landing in spam: deliverability paranoia and all that. I kept their title and flipped the angle, because the more universal pain isn't our emails getting flagged. It's the daily incoming. AI services. Automation. SEO. Guest posts. One pitch might as well have been somebody's grandmother offering catering. Honeypot fields, hidden mailto links, decoy addresses: none of it slows them down. And everyone still opens with "Dear sir/madam" or "Dear partner", as if we've met. As a millennial, it takes me straight back to the "prince from Africa" inheritance emails of my childhood, except the prince has retrained as an SEO genius. So I started replying to some of them. Not a polite decline. The honest reply: asking them to pay me instead. A couple actually wrote back and we had a proper laugh. Most went quiet forever. It changes nothing. Another dozen land in my inbox any given week. Death metal, because some mornings the only reasonable response to yet another "quick question" is a guttural growl over an instrumental loop. The song isn't really about spam folders. It's about the senders who refuse to end up in one.
LSLachezar, writing songs so you don't have to cry alone
Production credits
- Text
- Lachezar Simeonov
- Audio
- Lachezar Simeonov, AI-assisted production
- Voices
- AI personas built for Clicks & Swagger, some inspired by Lachezar's real voice
- Art
- Lachezar Simeonov, AI-assisted production
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