Bounce Rate Baby
Bounce Rate Baby lyrics
A song about visitors who land and leave in three seconds
Lyrics
Opa! Opa!
Hey, hey, hey!
You came to visit, stayed three seconds flat
Clicked on my link but you ain't coming back
I see the numbers, baby, I don't care
Got a million others waiting there
Bounce, bounce, bounce rate rising
Bounce, bounce, but I'm still thriving
Bounce, bounce, you keep leaving
Bounce, bounce, I'm still breathing
Bounce rate baby, you can go, go, go
I got a hundred more waiting at the door
Bounce rate baby, I don't need you no more
This party's pumping and the traffic's gonna flow!
Opa! Opa!
Bounce rate baby!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Seven seconds, that's your average stay
But the ones who love me? They don't go away
You can click away, I'll be just fine
My engagement's up, baby, I'm in my prime
Bounce, bounce, bounce rate rising
Bounce, bounce, but I'm still thriving
Bounce, bounce, you keep leaving
Bounce, bounce, I'm still breathing
Bounce rate baby, you can go, go, go
I got a hundred more waiting at the door
Bounce rate baby, I don't need you no more
This party's pumping and the traffic's gonna flow!
Who needs you? Not me!
Who needs you? Not me!
Bounce if you want to
The party don't stop, no!
Bounce rate baby, you can go, go, go
I got a hundred more waiting at the door
Bounce rate baby, I don't need you no more
This party's pumping and the traffic's gonna flow!
Bounce, bounce, bounce rate baby
Bounce, bounce, bounce rate baby
Opa!
Behind the Lyrics
I was on a quarterly call with a 4 Pillars Digital client, and when I got to the numbers they said, "Wait, so our bounce rate is 73%?" The colour left their face as if I'd told them their dog had died. Here's what the certification courses don't stress enough: sometimes a high bounce rate just means people found what they needed and left. That's good. A recipe page with a 90% bounce rate isn't failing. People got the recipe. They're making pasta now. Let them live. The song itself came after an even more brutal quarterly review, where I spent forty minutes explaining to a C-suite executive why a high bounce rate on their blog wasn't the apocalypse. He didn't believe me. He wanted it fixed. So I changed the timing on an analytics event, and the bounce rate magically dropped to 45%. Nothing on the site changed. I just moved the goalposts. He was thrilled. I was dead inside. The Balkan brass and the "opa!" are my coping mechanism. Where I'm from, when things go wrong you don't quietly journal about it. You pour a rakia, turn the trumpets up and dance like the metrics don't matter. Mostly, they don't. Some of the best content I've made had terrible bounce rates and still changed people's careers.
LSLachezar, writing songs so you don't have to cry alone
Production credits
- Text
- Lachezar Simeonov
- Audio
- Lachezar Simeonov, AI-assisted production
- Voices
- AI personas built for Clicks & Swagger, some inspired by Lachezar's real voice
- Art
- Lachezar Simeonov, AI-assisted production
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